Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
