it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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