I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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