I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Your cock deserves a montage
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
