is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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