You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
