Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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