Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
