Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize