R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
