just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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