i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Just pee around me
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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