yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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