Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize