You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
