There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
