If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
