no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
