i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
