I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize