I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
