One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
