Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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