all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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