i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
