She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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