She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
