If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
