PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
