Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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