Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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