Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
