How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
