dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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