Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
