I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
