It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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