just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
