1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
