If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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