on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
