We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
