So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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