So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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