My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
