what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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