im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
