I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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