my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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