oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
