i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
