this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
