last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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