Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize