Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
