well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
