Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just blew my weed a kiss
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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