I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
FUCK WHALES
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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