after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
