It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
