Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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