So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize