The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Randomize
